Fixing Google – Clients From Hell

Clients From Hell

Clients From Hell

I work for a web marketing company that handles relatively small clients, as well as few local big fish. This is an interaction I had recently with an especially small client. He was trying to sell his huge inventory of wicker garden furniture, in November.

Client: When I search for ‘all-weather wicker’ on Google, I can’t find my site anywhere on these pages!

Me: Are you using any sort of location specifics, like the name of our town?

Client: No, just ‘all-weather wicker’. Nothing’s coming up but my competition!

At this point, I search Google for ‘all-weather wicker’. The pages that come up are massive, nation-wide companies like Walmart, Target and Lowe’s.

Me: Without any sort of location specifics, you’re trying to beat Walmart and Target. That competition has multimillion dollar budgets for things like this. You own one store in one small city and your budget is less than a thousand dollars a month. I think it’s worth narrowing things down by including our city name in your Google search.

The client does this.

Client: Wow! What did you do? I’m numbers one, two, four and five here! Did you just turn this on?

Me: No.

Client: Can you turn it on for the other searches, too?

Me: That’s not how it works.

Client: Well, that’s how it looks to me, I called you to complain and the next thing I know I’m at number one?

Me: That’s not what hap-

Client: [interrupting] You’re going to put me up on Google for the other searches or I’m going to find someone else who can.

Me: Alright. I’m transferring you to our billing rep, you can cancel with them. We will, however, still billing you for the $1200 you owe us from your unpaid balance from previous months.

Client: There’s no way in HELL i’m paying you an-

And so the call was transfered. Sorry, new new guy from billing – it had to be done.